and no one keeps a cow for a friend

Mood: Grumpy.
Listening To: "Into the Woods - Prologue" from Into the Woods.
Reading: Mary Poppins Comes Back by P.L. Travers.

Well, I got my wisdom teeth out on Monday, and never have I wanted to eat an apple more.
Jell-o and pudding and mashed potatoes all suck.
It's gross too. I can feel the stitches IN MY MOUTH. No one should EVER have stitches in their mouth. Ever.

I'm not used to oral pain.
And my face is the flipping size of a cantaloupe.
And I have to work tomorrow.

I am not excited.

Okay, I'm a whino. I know.

But people have visited me and brought me shakes and pudding. :D

Bah, I should lie down.

"What do they think I am? Dumb or something? Why, I make more money than - than - than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!"
-Lina Lamont, Singin' in the Rain.

<3 = brittany

and I wear shoes of the sensible kind

Mood: Kinda lonely.
Listening To: "Practically Perfect" from Mary Poppins.
Reading: I've been going through books like crazy. I just finished "Mary Poppins" by P.L. Travers, "The House of the Scorpion" by Nancy Farmer, and "Bridge to Terabithia" by Katherine Something-or-Other.

Wow. A lot has happened since my last entry. I've gone to New York, Girl's Camp, and Jackson Hole since.

New York was amazing. Words cannot describe the euphoria I felt. And the pictures are full of the perma-grins we had. Oh blast. If you really want to know, you'd have to call me or something and be ready for a long, one-sided conversation. :D

Girl's Camp was fun, if full of whiny girls. Hah. I was with the Stake this year, so I got to be with girls from other wards, namely Jodee Johnson, Larissa Poyner, Stephanie Bevan, and Jessica Jensen. Holy cow, we did some crazy things. My favorite part? Surfing on top of a van careening down a mountainside with Jodee, Lar, and Steph. <3

And I went camping with Winston and Kenz and her family near Jackson Hole. Holy cow, it was fun. Met a lot of cool, laidback people on vacation and got to ride a river a zillion times. Fell out a few times on some good rapids, laughed a lot, and generally had a great time. And I rode a four-wheeler for the first time. :D

So now I'm waiting around until I have to go to work.
I'm all dressed up with no place to go. D:
I even have makeup on, for heaven's sakes.
How often does that happen?

"They're not here. I missed them again because of my endless, shameless lateness. No matter, we'll rendezvous. We'll rendezvous."
-Dr. Bleeb, "We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story." I love that movie.

<3 = brittany

am I too outspoken?

Mood: Meh.
Listening To: "Not Pretty Enough" by Kasey Chambers.
Reading: "Somebody's Gotta Say It" by Neal Boortz.

So, Dairy Princess was last night.
And I won't lie. Of course I was disappointed.
But it was a good experience.
Showed me that I'm not really a pageant person.
And that I'm kinda tired of second place.
And I'm not saying this because I'm a sore loser or anything, I'm just saying that I don't think that the interviews and the formals and the poise are for me.
But it's over.
As Rafiki says, "It doesn't matter. It's in the past."

I'm just brassy, I think.
Blunt and a bit coarse.
Do those words fit together?
I make them fit.

I dunno. I just don't belong in the pageants.
Stick me in the water. I'll beat a couple of people up. :)


New York is in two weeks. I'm really excited for that. And I'm leaving for California on Tuesday.

And that's all, I think.

Ta.

"What's going on? Why aren't you seizing the boy?"
"'Cause I have a big head and little arms, and I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through. "
-The Bowler Hat Guy and the T-Rex, Meet the Robinsons.

color the coast with your smile

Mood: Stressed out.
Listening To: "Carry This Picture" by Dashboard Confessional. Yes, I'm on a Dashboard kick.
Reading: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

Well, I'm liberated from being grounded. So I'm excited.

And I'm the colorguard co-captain for 07-08. I'm really excited for it. We're doing Pirates again for the field show. <3

And I got new shoes from Payless. :D

I've got my math final on Tuesday, and if I don't pass the final, I fail the class. So I'm freaking out. Studying like a madwoman. Ya know.

State Water Polo is on Friday and Saturday. I'm glad the season is almost over. Not that it wasn't fun, it was just hectic and crazy.

And my AP Bio test is on the 14th. Gah.

"Seriously, who steals a dead woman's shoes? Must have been raised in a barn!"
-Elphaba, Wicked.

<3 = brittany

my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me

so won't you kill me. So I die happy.
Mood: Kinda crappy.
Listening To: "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional.
Reading: It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini.

So.

Things went pretty much downhill from Saturday morning.

The date was hard. Realizing that the guy you're crushing on so hard doesn't like you at all in return is difficult to come to terms with. You feel like a failure, and you feel so hopeless. I know it's not the end of the world, I know there's someone out there for me.

But it's so dang hard right now.

And then I came home and my mother said, "You wore that? I can't believe you."
I was wearing shorts, knee-high socks, pink hi-tops, a maroon shirt, and a dark green jacket. My hair was half-up and curly because I hadn't had time to straighten it. I hadn't seen anything wrong when I left the house. I wore makeup for heaven's sakes.

But she went on to inform me why boys didn't like me. She decided to tell me everything that was wrong with the way I did everything. I had decided that the whole boy thing wasn't going to bother me. But then when she said all these things, it bothered me. And she asked if I would rather she not care.

Please don't care. I don't want to hear this anymore. I'm not doing anything wrong, they just don't like me, that's all.

So I went to bed and cried.

The next morning was a mess. That afternoon was worse. She proceeded to tell me that she hoped my plane would crash when I went to New York so that she wouldn't have to deal with me anymore.

Thanks, mom. Please don't come to the funeral.

And so today, we've ignored each other.
I've felt like dirt.

So it was a great date. Let me tell you.

"There's no pretense here. I happpen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow."
-Fiyero, Wicked.

<|3 = brittany

man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she had

But it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all.
Mood: Tired, excited, and happy.
Listening To: "Carve Your Heart Out Yourself" by Dashboard Confessional.
Reading: To Sir, With Love by E. Braithwaite.

So we had a party for Sutton and Bobby's birthday on Thursday. And it was a lot of fun. Sutton, Bobby, Kenzie, and Kate didn't go home until 11:00.

And there was a big tickle fight. And a head-scratching, hand-holding circle. It was calming. And very much needed.

Yeah. <3

It was my little brother's birthday yesterday, and he had twenty twelve-year-olds over for a party. Loud and crazy. And messy too.

But now he's twelve and his hair is short. I'm glad.

But I got home twenty minutes late from taking Kate and Kaitlyn home last night. So I'm grounded from Sunday(tomorrow) to Sunday(next week). Kinda sucks.

But I have a date with Bobby tonight. And I'm reallyreally excited.

So that's all.
And Kenzie's birthday is on Monday. :D

"I mean, who steals a dead woman's shoes? Must have been raised in a barn!"
-Elphaba, Wicked.

Like a poem poorly written, we are verses out of rhythm, couplets out of rhyme

Mood: I'm living. And that's good.
Listening To: "The Dangling Conversation" by Simon and Garfunkel.
Reading: "Two Hot Dogs with Everything" by Paul Haven.

It's a still life watercolor
Of a now late afternoon
As the sun shines through the curtain lace
And shadows wash the room

And we sit and drink our coffee
Couched in our indifference
Like shells upon the shore
You can hear the ocean roar

In the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs
The borders of our lives

And you read your Emily Dickinson
And I my Robert Frost
And we note our place with bookmarkers
That measure what we've lost

Like a poem poorly written
We are verses out of rhythm
Couplets out of rhyme
In syncopated time.

And the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs
Are the borders of our lives

Yes we speak of things that matter
With words that must be said
Can analysis be worthwhile?
Is the theatre really dead?

And how the room has softly faded
And I only kiss your shadow
I cannot feel your hand
You're a stranger now unto me

Lost in the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs
In the borders of our lives.

-"Dangling Conversation," Simon and Garfunkel.



Things have been hard for the past couple of days, but they're working themselves out, falling into place.
And I feel the need to speak in poetry.
This is how it usually happens.
I speak in line breaks that I call poetry.
Tangent, sorry.

I don't know. I just need some time.
To breathe, to let go.
Things will work out.

I just need to learn to step back and trust.

"Maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue. And maybe we can actually never have it no matter what."
-Chris Gardner, "The Pursuit of Happyness."

Ta.

<3 = brittany

it doesn't change a thing but even so after twenty-five years it's nice to know

Mood: Not too good.
Listening To: "Do You Love Me?" from Fiddler on the Roof.
Reading: Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Twelfth Night, The Imaginary Invalid.

Yep, it's my birthday.

And last night at midnight, it was a happy one.
Kenzie called me right as my clock changed to 12:00. And I was happy. <3
Thanks Kenzie.

But this morning,
I skidded into a telephone pole.
Killed the front right side of my mom's car.
I had to call my dad to save me.
He came. Only cared that I was okay.
I was late to Majestix. But they gave me a break because of the circumstances.

I had a test in AP Bio.
I had a test in water polo.
I sucked it up playing goalie today.
And I'm the goalie for our game tomorrow.

My mom has screamed at me.
I came home to an empty house.
She was at the neighbor's.
And not once has she said happy birthday.

I know I did screw up her car.
But I just want to know that she remembers.



<|3 = brittany

don't I make you laugh? should I try it harder?

Mood: I'm not sure. I'm living.
Listening To: "Not Pretty Enough" , Kasey Chambers. Story of my life. <3
Reading: Nothing really. Doctrine and Covenants and Book of Mormon, yo.

- So, Winter Ball was a freaking blast! Loved it, had a lot of fun, felt gorgeous. You know.
- My job is great. Flexible hours, a nice manager, just great. <3
- Majestix is coming right along. I'm really excited for competitions. We have a chance this year.
- I'm excited for drama competition too. Jess and I are co-captains of the humorous monologue team, and I'm competing in classical scenes with Sal. :D
- Water polo tryouts are tomorrow and Friday! Whoo!
- And Girl's Day is on Saturday. I'm going with Benjamin. :D

I don't know what else to say, and I'm running out of time.

Ta.

"I won't let go!"
"I know."
-Jake Fischer and Ben Randall from The Guardian.

<3 = brittany

if you wanna hit the high notes, you better be a diva!

Mood: Feeling good. :D
Listening To: "If You're Gonna..." by Natasha Bedingfield. (Now my theme song, thanks to Kenzie. :D)
Reading: Doctrine and Covenants and Book of Mormon! Whoo! 1.5 pages per day, baby!

So I just had an awesome week. The end.

Hah, but I'm gonna tell you all about it.

-So, I quit the play because I need a job because I really want to go to New York. That's all.
-My photography portfolio is looking awesome.
-2nd term is almost over!
-I got asked to Winter Ball. That great kid Zach Jensen finally asked me. :D
-I performed my monologue, "The Shadow Box (Maggie)", did freakin' awesome, in my opinion. I really want to compete with it. <3
-I went to an Urban Expressions colorguard clinic on Saturday. Urban Expressions is an independent colorguard. I went to a few classes, and Sumer, the choreographer, talked to Tami, my advisor, and told her that she wanted me for UEX. But, you can't be on an independent guard and a high school guard at the same time, so Tami said that Sumer would just have to wait until I graduated. But out of all the girls on the team, she wanted me! <3<3<3
-And, I got a job at Iceberg. WHOO! I start on Wednesday. <3

Ta.

"What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary."
-George Bailey, It's a Wonderful Life.

<3 = brittany

<3 = brittany