it's like a guarantee my new philosophy

Mood: Hanging on.
Listening To: "My New Philosophy" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.
Reading: Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt, Adaptation, and a few other things.

Well, you know. Same ol' , same ol' with the madre. No talky, mostly yelling or silence.

Yeah, I got in major trouble today. Bleh.

But I got a bunch of musicals from Lindsey. And tomorrow I go back to school. And I got the first grass stains of the summer. =D

More later. I don't have much time. Have to do math homework I forgot about. XD

"We gotta get the word out to every newsie in the city! We need some of those...
"Ambassadors?"
"Yeah, yeah. Okay, you guys go out and be, uh, am-bastards."

-Jack Kelly and David Jacobs from Newsies.

<3 = brittany

'cause when she dances she goes and goes

Mood: I WANT SUMMER.
Listening To: "White Houses" by Vanessa Carlton.
Reading: It by Stephen King, Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt, and The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis.

Dangitall. It snowed this morning. I want summer now. We went to Salt Lake and gorged ourselves with food, hah.

Spring break has been really good. We drove up Smelter, "the road to nowhere", and talked about everything, then I went swimming with Lindsey, Kenzie, Michael, Sal, my little bro, and Kent. We hung out at Middle Canyon Elem. a lot and swung and laughed and ran and played. We danced in the rain. We sat around for hours. I had a wonderful Easter dinner.

Overall, I'd say it was a success.

I just want summer to come faster and stay longer. I can't wait.

"I found out what the secret to life is. Friends. Best friends."
-Ninny Threadgoode, "Fried Green Tomatoes".

<3 = brittany

there's miles and miles of strip mall smiles waiting to check you out

Mood: So much better.
Listening To: "Window Shopping" by Lisa Loeb.
Reading: IT by Stephen King. And Genesis.

So. I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER. I talked to Kenzie after State One-Acts, and we actually TALKED. And then my mom came and freaked out, BUT that's another story, used for another day.

And WE ARE THE STATE CHAMPIONS. Yo. That is so cool. And I'm getting a medal. And Spencer is a cute kid. And I got straight superiors (hence the medal). And water polo is done this week. And it's almost spring break.

Life is good.

And no matter how many times I forget to tell you, I LOVE YOU, LINDSEY.

<3 = brittany

a little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now

Mood: WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT.
Listening To: "A Little Fall of Rain" from Les Mis.
Reading: The Shining by Stephen King.

She told me to write in a notebook. It'll help, she said, trust me. She said a notebook is always willing to listen, can take in your problems.

But a notebook doesn't help. A notebook doesn't even have a face. You can't expect any response from a notebook. It has to take what you write in it. But it never knows what you've written.

A notebook doesn't solve anything.

But then, does a person? You can't just keep dumping, dumping, dumping on a person. It's selfish. They have their own problems. You can't hold a pity party for yourself.

I HAVE TO STOP BEING SO SELFISH. It's stupid, I freak out over the littlest things. I whine, I cry, I worry. But what do I have to whine about? What do I have to cry about? Fetch. There's nothing wrong with my life. There's nothing wrong with my head. I just have to find something to complain about then tell everyone about it.

I need to keep it to myself. I need to shut up. I need to learn to be giving, to be generous, to be nice, to be kind. I only ever care about myself. Everything is about ME. That's what everyone's been saying. Why didn't I ever see it?

I just don't want to go it alone. And I know I'm not. I just forget about my Brother sometimes. I need to talk to Him more. Let Him know I remember.

EPONINE:
Don't you fret, M'sieur Marius
I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now
You're here, and that's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow.

MARIUS:
But you will live, 'Ponine - dear God above,
If I could close your wounds with words of love.

EPONINE:
Just hold me now, and let it be.
Shelter me, comfort me

MARIUS:
You would live a hundred years
If I could show you how
I won't desert you now...

EPONINE:
The rain can't hurt me now
This rain will wash away what's past
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
I'll sleep in your embrace at last.

The rain that brings you here
Is Heaven-blessed!
The skies begin to clear
And I'm at rest
A breath away from where you are
I've come home from so far
So don't you fret, M'sieur Marius

I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now

That's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close

MARIUS (in counterpoint):
Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine,
You won't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt you now
I'm here

I will stay with you
Till you are sleeping

EPONINE:
And rain...

MARIUS:
And rain...

EPONINE:
Will make the flowers...

MARIUS:
Will make the flowers...grow...

"A Little Fall of Rain", Les Miserables.

<\3 = brittany

I like to go there in my sleep

Mood: Eh.
Listening To: Castle on a Cloud from Les Miserables.
Reading: 1 Nephi.


You know, when I was little, my mom used to make me stay up and clean until all hours of the night. And when I went to CPS, she stopped doing that.

And tonight she's going on another cleaning binge. But it's over now. It was just weird to travel down memory lane like that.

I looked at my ripped rainbow scarf today. The one she ripped, then sewed back together a few days later. It's like an oxymoron. She ripped it because she was angry and screaming and hateful, then she sewed it up because she was sorry and humble and loved me.

Sometimes I don't get it.

"This is right, my dear. I stole something. I did. I stole happiness with you. I don't mind paying."
-Jean Valjean, Les Miserables.

<\3 = brittany