from God our heavenly father this blessed angel came

Mood: Calm.
Listening To: "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen/We Three Kings" by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan.
Reading: "Museum of Hoaxes" by Alex Boese.

Well.

I've had a busy, stressful week.

-Auditions are over. I'm in the pit choir. And that's all I'm going to say about it.
-Had a girl's night with Trish and Jess after auditions. Ate a lot of ice cream and watched (rather, slept through) Legend.
-Went to the temple last night with Caydee and Jess Coop. Had a ton of fun. =D
-Jess gave me a beanie she crocheted for Christmas. And she's knitting my dream scarf for me. Crimson and gold. GO GRYFFINDOR. I know, I'm a dork.
-Watched Pride and Prejudice last night with Caydee and Jess. Good movie. I managed to hate Mr. Darcy until the very end. And then I cried and decided he wasn't so bad after all. I'm going to read the book. <3


That's pretty much it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ta.

"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"
-Clarence from It's A Wonderful Life.

<3 = brittany

grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall

Mood: Pretty good.
Listening To: "The Brothers Come to Egypt/Grovel, Grovel" from Joseph and the ATD.
Reading: The Doctrine and Covenants, yo.

So....

I'm still kinda on air. I got 3rd place in Mixed Media in the Art Show for a Gesso transfer of oranges titled "peel out". (Thanks, Tiff.) It was so cool. <3 First time I've gotten an award for arts.

-Joseph auditions are on Thursday. SO NERVOUS.
-Caydee's birthday was today. She can be convicted of a felony. =D Jess Coop and I baked a cake and took it to her today. =D
-I made a really cool personality mask. It's a plaster gauze mask of my face and painted with acrylic paint. I need to get a picture of it.
-I'm going to the temple on the 23rd. <3
-I might be asked to Winter Ball.
-I'm going on a date on the 26th, I'm just not sure of who I'm going with. But I know we're going ice skating. <3

But that's pretty much it.

Nothing majorly exciting, just things I think are important.
Because of course, we all know the world revolves around me. =D

Ta.

"I don't believe in free love!"
"Pity."
-Joseph and Mrs. Potiphar from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

<3 = brittany

Color Quiz

Brittany took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Needs a change in her circumstances or in her rela..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

then I saw it on your keyboard and you saw it on my sleeve

Mood: Pretty good. A bit tired, but good. =D
Listening To: "I Saw It On Your Keyboard" by hellogoodbye
Reading: Just finished The Da Vinci Code, right now all I'm reading are a scene and a monologue. Tell Me Another Story... and The Shadow Box.

So, Kenzer introduced me to this totally awesome band, hellogoodbye. They're freakin' AWESOME.

That's all.

I haven't posted for a long time.

-Camelot is over. I'm sad, but it couldn't go on forever, and I don't think I'd like it if it did. We put on five amazing shows and touched a lot of people. AND I learned how to dutch. =D
-I went to the Barenaked Ladies concert last Wednesday. AWESOME, I must say. I had a lot of fun.
-I have been without a bed for two weeks or so (My mom sold it, it's kind of a long story) . BUT we are getting a permanent bed soon. Soon, I say!
-Slept over at Kenzie's on Friday. Had fun with Diet Coke and Mentos. =D And talked about LOTS of things. Life, basically. <3 -School is kinda boring and not very stressful at the moment. I like it this way, but I'm afraid that I'm going to be flooded very soon. That's really all I've got to say. Nothing really absolutely marvelous from this end of the world.

Ta.

"I knowed I made a good choice."
"In what?"
"My best friend." -Mater and Lightning, Cars

<3 = brittany

and he's so funny in his bright red shirt

we were all in love and we all got hurt.

Mood: Tired, confused.
Listening To: "White Houses" by Vanessa Carlton.
Reading: A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.

He said he was breaking up with her. He said he didn't want to be attached to anybody. He flirted with me all week. I was glad that he wanted to talk with me, joke with me, laugh with me. But last night he colored a picture from someone's "Pretty Pony Coloring Book". He showed it to Caydee, proud of what he'd done. I wanted to see it, but he wouldn't show it to me. I finally joked around a bit more and had him unfold it.

A pink pony with a yellow mane. Above the pony it said "Kim".

My heart fell, and I tried to keep a smile on my face even though that knife was twisting and biting its way into my heart.

He walked away and Caydee whispered, "I'm sorry." I tried to blow it off, tried to act like it didn't matter, it didn't hurt. She and I knew it did.

I know it's stupid and teenage and immature, but I am stupid and teenage and immature.

I've just never liked anyone the way I like him, and he doesn't see it. They call him "The Pimp of the Play" because he's a huge flirt and all the girls like him.

I just thought maybe he'd like me back.

"I create feelings in others that they themselves don't understand."
-Lightning McQueen, Cars.

<3 = brittany

and we carved our names in the proverbial wall and nothing much else really matters at all

Mood: Tired, confused kinda, stressed.
Listening To: "Autumn and Me" by Saving Jane
Reading: DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS.

Well, Kenzie's off to college for the third time this month, hah.

And I'm at home.

Sick because of homecoming.

I'll tell the story in my next entry.

I just wanted to say that I wasn't dead.

Just inactive.

In all senses of the word.

<3 = brittany

oh there ain't no love no montagues or capulets

Mood: Happy, but kinda sad.
Listening To: "I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor" by The Arctic Monkeys.
Reading: Leven Thumps and the Gateway to Foo by Obert Skye.

Holy cow. First week of school and I already had an assignment AND a test in Calculus. I don't like Steelman, either. And we've had a practice AP test in Biology, and the highest score in the class was 39%. And that was the genius kid. I got a 25%. BUT HOLY FAT COW. Seriously.

But everything else is pretty good. I've got Leni in two classes, Larissa in two classes, a few other people in a few other classes. =D

And field show is getting kinda stressful. We've only got the first song charting done, and we have three others to finish by Sept. 15. Oh dear.

Didn't do a heck of a lot this week. Hung with Michael and Dono a lot. Hung out with Lindsey some. Hung out with Elle and Kenzie some.

HAH. Went to Iceberg with Michael, Kenzie, and Elle the other day, and it was THE FUNNIEST. Holy cow. Laughed so much that night. Kenzie ran full-on into a door, slid down a wall. Elle "spoke" as this lady who was talking outside. BAHA. So funny. And we played BS in Iceberg as we were waiting for our food. SO MUCH FUN.

And I worked out with Kenzie yesterday. My legs are sore now.

And my mom and I gave Kenzie cups and plates and silverware and a blender for her college-ly pursuits. My mom figures that we owe her a ton, so it was all free of charge, of course. Michael and Kenz came by and grabbed them today. And both of them said that I look like I've lost weight. <3<3<3

So, that's how it's been the past week.

AUDITIONS ARE TOMORROW.
And Kenzie leaves earlyearlyearly Friday morning. Sadness.

"How's your heart?"
"It's a little bit broken."

-Michelle and Anna Foster, "Chasing Liberty".

<3 = brittany

today is where your book begins

Mood: THANKHEAVENS. Kinda.
Listening To: "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield.
Reading: Leven Thumps and the Gateway to Foo by Obert Skye.

Hoo. It's been a little more than a month since I've written a blog entry. Quite a bit has happened since the 15th of July.

-Draper Days SUCKED. Really.
-Pioneer Day parade was pretty cool, actually. Saw Cori, saw Liz.
-Went to Lagoon on July 24th, got dropped by my crush, then spent a totally awesome day with Mak, Michael, Tiff, and Dono.
-Went to girl's camp, which was actually a lot of fun.
-Somewhere in there I did Ophir Days, which was awesome.
-Mak got 1st attendant in the Miss Tooele County Pageant, I think she deserved Miss Tooele County, but it's really good that she got 1st attendant.
-Went to history a bajillion times.
-Went to see Ty Herndon in concert (AND YAGERTOWN. WOO.) with Captain, Mak, and Michael. TON OF FUN.
-And band camp ended today. We got quite a lot done, and I'm pretty proud of myself and our girls.
-OH. AND I FINISHED MY HISTORY REPORTS. FINALLY.

I dunno what else to say. School starts on Monday, and I have mixed feelings about that. My schedule's somewhere in my house, but I'm too lazy to get it. I'll post it someday.

But I got all the classes I wanted. Advanced theatre, advanced photography, AP Calc, AP Biology, social dance, interior design, web page design. Yeah, I'm pretty excited, actually.

"There's no crying in baseball!"
-Jimmy Dugan to Evelyn Gardner in A League of Their Own.

<3 = brittany

she is the prom queen, I'm in the marching band

Mood: Strangely sorta happy.
Listening To: "Girl Next Door" by Saving Jane. (Dude, it's like the story of my LIFE.)
Reading: "Skud" by Dennis Foon.

Okay. "Girl Next Door" is my new favorite song. Especially the line that is the title of this blog. Because I am in the marching band, hah.

Anyway, so I'm bored out of my mind. I just want school to start already. Michael and Lindsey have been at EFY all week, Kenzie was at girl's camp, and I just don't talk to anyone else.

Mur. I've been overreacting about a lot of things, which won't be mentioned here. You can probably guess.

"Mater! What did I tell you about talking to the accused?"
"To not to."

-Sheriff and Mater from Cars.

<3 = brittany

the hardest thing is letting go of you

Mood: Tired, cold, bored, irritated.
Listening To: "One More Sad Song" by The All-American Rejects.
Reading: My History 1700 book.

Well, I got a 32 composite on the ACT. I'm really excited about that. 35 on English, 35 on Reading, 32 on Science, 25 on Math. So, I still need to retake it to get a higher math score.

But enough about that.

Saw Cars, Over the Hedge, Ice Age 2, and Pirates of the Caribbean 2 recently.

All of them were really good and really funny, but Cars and Pirates!2 were AWESOME.

Although Pirates!2 lacks an ending.

BUT IT'S FREAKING AWESOME, NEVERTHELESS.

L'anyhoodle, went to my ward campout with Lindsey last night, slept like a bear, got up, and didn't "wake up" for a few hours, hah.

And as a lovely ending note:
I wish some people would swallow their pride and TALK to me once in a while.

Ta.

"Dirt... This is a jar of dirt..."
"Yes..."
"...Is the jar of dirt going to help?"
"If you don't want it, give it back."
"No."
-Captain Jack Sparrow and Tia Dalma from Pirates of the Caribbean 2.

<3 = brittany

just pay me back with one thousand kisses

Mood: Tired.
Listening To: "I'll Cover You" from RENT.
Reading: "Quixote" by Michael Oeming...or something.

Went to Lagoon two days in a row this last week.

SO MUCH FUN.

First day with Lindsey, Meagan the Pruden, Jessica Lohmeyer, and Tiffany Davis.
Second day with Lindsey, Michael, and Mak.

Rode the White Rollercoaster, the Spider, the Bat, the Samurai (twice), and the Screamer (twice). Yeah, I'm feeling like a ride person now. =D

And we went to Lagoon-A-Beach, the best thing there. And even though M & M were fighting, it wasn't all that bad. Hah.

But now I'm dead tired, with matching bruises on my elbows (from heaven knows what), and I should be in bed because I have band in the morning. Bleh.

I might write more tomorrow or something. Maybe, I dunno.

"Money is the world's curse."
"May the Lord smite me with it. And may I never recover."

-Perchik and Tevye, "Fiddler on the Roof".

<3 = brittany

I should tell I blew the candle out just to get back in

Mood: Tired. Physically and emotionally.
Listening To: "I Should Tell You" from RENT.
Reading: The Truth About Forever by _____ Dessen

Well, I'm going to Manti for a day and a half. Getting away from this town called Tooele. I think I need it. We're going down to see the Manti Pageant, so I think it'll be fun and a bit enlightening.

I should be in bed.

I've been feeling kinda bitter and down the past few days. My parents fought, my mother and I fought, I've been feeling ignored and left behind.

Blah. I want this summer to be fun.

So far it's not turning out so good.

AND I HAVE A SEASON PASS TO LAGOON THAT I NEED TO USE.


"Call a donkey and get me to a manger!"
-Sister Mary Regina, Mother Superior; Nunsense.

<3 = brittany

only thing to do is jump over the moon

Mood: Tired.
Listening To: "Leap of Faith" from RENT.
Reading: My e-mail.

It's been a while.

Well, we performed my play, and I think I did pretty well, and we won "Most Creative Set". Yeah. Consolation prize, yes, but I'm friggin' glad they acknowledged it. We had to paint 13 metal chairs. I painted at least 7 or 8. Grawr.

But you know.

The drama banquet was fun. I am now "Dutching Duchess" (I've never dutched in my life), I have the rights to the "apple bosom" jokes (How do ya like them apples?), and a piece of Emma's peach paint spill. Yeah, I have many things to will now. Hah.

I went to graduation, sat with Missy and Chantelle. Told Missy about her apple bosom jokes being given to me. We all laughed. They thought I was a junior, but thankfully, I am a lowly sophomore. I took pictures, I cried.

Now summer has started, and I'm bored out of my mind.

Vented to Tiffany a bit, cleaned the garage a bit, talked to Mak(who is in NEW YORK). Went to Majestix yesterday, wanted to shoot someone, came home, slept.

Slept some more.

And some more.

Yeah, I'm having a fun summer.

Mur.

"There are times when we're dirt broke, hungry, and freezing, and I ask myself, why the hell am I still living here?
[beat]
And then they call. And I remember."

-Mark, RENT.

<3 = brittany

to reach the unreachable star

Mood: Kinda tired.
Listening To: "To Dream the Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha.
Reading: West Side Story and Romeo and Juliet. And like fifty billion other books.

I don't have much time, but I thought I'd give a little update.

-Things are going better with my mom.

-STATE FOR WATER POLO WAS AWESOME. Girls got 2nd, boys took state! And we stayed in the Park City Mariott. SO NICE.

-Sadie's was fun. <3

-My play sucks.

-And history 1700 is okay.

-My Spanish teacher is being nice since I cried in her class.

-The band is in California. I miss them. Especially one alto-sax-playin' boy in particular.

-SCHOOL IS ENDING.

So yeah, that's my life lately in a nutshell.

Water polo's over! And I have nothing to do in my time.

But I'ma go to bed now. Sorry for the short lame update.

Miguel: I'm a poet.
The Duke: They're putting people in prison for that?
Miguel: No, no, no, not for that.
The Duke: Too bad.

-Miguel de Cervantes and The Duke from Man of La Mancha.

<3 = brittany

it's like a guarantee my new philosophy

Mood: Hanging on.
Listening To: "My New Philosophy" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.
Reading: Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt, Adaptation, and a few other things.

Well, you know. Same ol' , same ol' with the madre. No talky, mostly yelling or silence.

Yeah, I got in major trouble today. Bleh.

But I got a bunch of musicals from Lindsey. And tomorrow I go back to school. And I got the first grass stains of the summer. =D

More later. I don't have much time. Have to do math homework I forgot about. XD

"We gotta get the word out to every newsie in the city! We need some of those...
"Ambassadors?"
"Yeah, yeah. Okay, you guys go out and be, uh, am-bastards."

-Jack Kelly and David Jacobs from Newsies.

<3 = brittany

'cause when she dances she goes and goes

Mood: I WANT SUMMER.
Listening To: "White Houses" by Vanessa Carlton.
Reading: It by Stephen King, Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt, and The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis.

Dangitall. It snowed this morning. I want summer now. We went to Salt Lake and gorged ourselves with food, hah.

Spring break has been really good. We drove up Smelter, "the road to nowhere", and talked about everything, then I went swimming with Lindsey, Kenzie, Michael, Sal, my little bro, and Kent. We hung out at Middle Canyon Elem. a lot and swung and laughed and ran and played. We danced in the rain. We sat around for hours. I had a wonderful Easter dinner.

Overall, I'd say it was a success.

I just want summer to come faster and stay longer. I can't wait.

"I found out what the secret to life is. Friends. Best friends."
-Ninny Threadgoode, "Fried Green Tomatoes".

<3 = brittany

there's miles and miles of strip mall smiles waiting to check you out

Mood: So much better.
Listening To: "Window Shopping" by Lisa Loeb.
Reading: IT by Stephen King. And Genesis.

So. I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER. I talked to Kenzie after State One-Acts, and we actually TALKED. And then my mom came and freaked out, BUT that's another story, used for another day.

And WE ARE THE STATE CHAMPIONS. Yo. That is so cool. And I'm getting a medal. And Spencer is a cute kid. And I got straight superiors (hence the medal). And water polo is done this week. And it's almost spring break.

Life is good.

And no matter how many times I forget to tell you, I LOVE YOU, LINDSEY.

<3 = brittany

a little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now

Mood: WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT.
Listening To: "A Little Fall of Rain" from Les Mis.
Reading: The Shining by Stephen King.

She told me to write in a notebook. It'll help, she said, trust me. She said a notebook is always willing to listen, can take in your problems.

But a notebook doesn't help. A notebook doesn't even have a face. You can't expect any response from a notebook. It has to take what you write in it. But it never knows what you've written.

A notebook doesn't solve anything.

But then, does a person? You can't just keep dumping, dumping, dumping on a person. It's selfish. They have their own problems. You can't hold a pity party for yourself.

I HAVE TO STOP BEING SO SELFISH. It's stupid, I freak out over the littlest things. I whine, I cry, I worry. But what do I have to whine about? What do I have to cry about? Fetch. There's nothing wrong with my life. There's nothing wrong with my head. I just have to find something to complain about then tell everyone about it.

I need to keep it to myself. I need to shut up. I need to learn to be giving, to be generous, to be nice, to be kind. I only ever care about myself. Everything is about ME. That's what everyone's been saying. Why didn't I ever see it?

I just don't want to go it alone. And I know I'm not. I just forget about my Brother sometimes. I need to talk to Him more. Let Him know I remember.

EPONINE:
Don't you fret, M'sieur Marius
I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now
You're here, and that's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow.

MARIUS:
But you will live, 'Ponine - dear God above,
If I could close your wounds with words of love.

EPONINE:
Just hold me now, and let it be.
Shelter me, comfort me

MARIUS:
You would live a hundred years
If I could show you how
I won't desert you now...

EPONINE:
The rain can't hurt me now
This rain will wash away what's past
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
I'll sleep in your embrace at last.

The rain that brings you here
Is Heaven-blessed!
The skies begin to clear
And I'm at rest
A breath away from where you are
I've come home from so far
So don't you fret, M'sieur Marius

I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now

That's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close

MARIUS (in counterpoint):
Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine,
You won't feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt you now
I'm here

I will stay with you
Till you are sleeping

EPONINE:
And rain...

MARIUS:
And rain...

EPONINE:
Will make the flowers...

MARIUS:
Will make the flowers...grow...

"A Little Fall of Rain", Les Miserables.

<\3 = brittany

I like to go there in my sleep

Mood: Eh.
Listening To: Castle on a Cloud from Les Miserables.
Reading: 1 Nephi.


You know, when I was little, my mom used to make me stay up and clean until all hours of the night. And when I went to CPS, she stopped doing that.

And tonight she's going on another cleaning binge. But it's over now. It was just weird to travel down memory lane like that.

I looked at my ripped rainbow scarf today. The one she ripped, then sewed back together a few days later. It's like an oxymoron. She ripped it because she was angry and screaming and hateful, then she sewed it up because she was sorry and humble and loved me.

Sometimes I don't get it.

"This is right, my dear. I stole something. I did. I stole happiness with you. I don't mind paying."
-Jean Valjean, Les Miserables.

<\3 = brittany

everyday I love you less and less

Mood: DANGITALL.
Listening To: Everyday I Love You Less and Less by the Kaiser Chiefs
Reading: 3 Nephi.

Why can't I ever do anything right with people I love? Why can't I ever just give them a good answer or just shut up at the right times? Why can't I just learn from my mistakes? Why do I have to dig myself into a deeper and deeper hole? And I just feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because I drag them into the same hole and I don't want that, and besides, no one wants to listen to it anyway.

I'm sick of being a whiny little girl pretending that she's happy. I'm sick of pretending that everything's okay. I'm sick of pretending that things at home are fine. I'm sick of pretending that I don't feel like the world is coming down around me. I'm sick of pretending that I can do it all by myself. I'm sick of pretending that I'm smart or funny or good at acting. I'm sick of it all.

At least I helped one person today. He thanked me and told me I was a great friend, but I still feel like crap. I'm glad he and I got to talk, and I'm glad he asked me the things he did, but I just feel like I'm screwing things up again for myself and one of my best friends. I feel like we don't talk.

She asked me if it bothered me that she and Lindsey had a sleepover. That doesn't bother me at all. I would have liked to have been there, but I don't mind. So I told her that it wasn't that, it was just I felt kinda distant from her and that I think we're just way too busy and haven't talked for a while, so we don't know what each other was feeling. She agreed mostly, but said she didn't feel distant from me at all. So what do I do? Quickly cover myself up and tell her that maybe I just read into things too much and maybe I just don't see it.

I'm retarded.

No, it doesn't bother me that she had a sleepover with Lindsey. Why would it? It just bothers me that I can't talk to her as much anymore because we just don't have time.

I want more time. That's all.

"It seems to make my whole past life invalid."
-Dancer, "Feiffer's People".

<\3 = brittany

I picked out your star

Mood: I don't know, really. Kinda frustrated, kinda down, but kinda happy and kinda loving.
Listening To: Your Star by The All-American Rejects.
Reading: 3 Nephi 11.

So. Not much has happened in the water polo world. I still haven't played goalie, no matter how much I want to, and JV keeps losing. But varsity keeps winning. And so, I'm losing and winning AT THE SAME TIME. OHMIGASH.

OH. And I'm going to State for drama. In fact, our WHOLE TEAM is going to State. (Of course, this is the first year that's possible, but you know.) And we got a perfect score at Region. So that's pretty cool. =3

But right now things are stressful. I worked with Tiff on Sunday, and she fixed a lot of things in my monologue, so I'm pretty excited for State, but there's nothing to do in drama, and I just sit around with nobody to talk to because Makenzie's helping do panels. Bleh. And then when I do see Makenzie long enough to talk to, she just kinda huffs like there's something wrong, but when I ask, she denies it.

And I wish she'd say more. Maybe something like, "Not now, later." or "Not a big deal, just frustrated." And I'd stop worrying. I'd stop thinking that she's avoiding me or that she doesn't want to talk to me.

And don't get me started on Michael. I haven't talked to the kid in ages. And I don't think he cares. So here I go, giving up again.

I'm sick and tired of smelling my little brother's hands. I'm sick and tired of trying to fix our stupid satellite receiver. I'm sick and tired of trying to juggle my house crap with my school crap.

AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF FIGHTING WITH MY MOM.

We cannot get along. I don't know what it is, but I can never make her happy. And I just want to give up on that, but you can't just walk away from home, no matter how much you want to. Even if your friend who's going to be 18 invites you into her own home, offering to be your guardian. Hah.

So that's why I have mixed feelings about everything. Nothing seems to be working out, that's all.


"Love me, that's all I ask of you."
-Christine from The Phantom of the Opera.


<\3 = brittany

there goes a modern fairy tale I wish it could happen to me

Mood: Mellow, but stressing.
Listening To: Somebody's Miracle by Liz Phair.
Reading: 1 Nephi 4.

Well, we had our very first JV game today. It was a heckofalot of fun. And now, STORYTIME.

I played for a FRIGGIN' long time. Sam kept putting me in, and the girl in the hole and I wrestled it out. When I was on her, she never got the ball. =3 And when I got tired and told Sam to take me out, I swam to the edge and Sam was right there, "EXCELLENT DEFENSE! EXCELLENT!" And she patted me on the back, then Jess and Annie had to drag me out of the pool, I was so tired. Then Coach Wells was there, "You were great! Great defense!" And Jess and all the other girls on the bench were saying, "You did wicked awesome!" "You did great!" "You were amazing!" "When you were out there, I was like, SWEET! GO BRITTANY!"

And all I wanted was a drink of water. =3

So that was friggin' awesome. =D

And now I must sleep.

"If you can't win today, then none of us have a future."
"You have love. That's the only future God gives us."

-Marius and Jean Valjean from "Les Miserables".

<3 = brittany

but we'll beg and borrow everything we need

Mood: I hate periods.
Listening To: "Count On My Love" by Liz Phair.
Reading: 1 Nephi, yo!

Ah. End of term is on Friday, plus pizza practice, plus water polo tournament, then on Saturday it's region, plus water polo. And I don't think I'm ready for region. Sure, I'm more ready than last year, but anything was better than that. XD

Things are slowly getting better with my mom, but I know, this weekend it's all gonna happen all over again. Urgh.

I dunno. This was a short and pointless blog. I hate periods, by the way. HATE THEM.

"Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
"And then some."

-Bailiff and Velma Kelly in Chicago.

<3 = brittany

when whilst thou save the people oh god of mercy when

Mood: I'm kinda out of it today.
Listening To: "God Save the People" from Godspell.
Reading: 1 Nephi 3.

Hoo. Tiffany's birthday party for me was last night. It was one of THE BEST things anyone has ever done for me. Ever. I freakin' love her. She even got me gifts. Like, expensive ones. Bath and Body Works lotion and body spray (which my mom broke), a Dickies watch, an Aeropostale shirt, Tic-Tacs, a purse, Disney princess markers, and chapstick. And Dono got me fruit snacks (suggestion of Lindsey Moe, who I freakin' love too). Holy fat cow, I wasn't expecting anything, and they went and got me stuff. And Lindsey gave me a sweet letter, yo. =D

So we had GREAT cake, and pizza, and ice cream, and root beer, and ice and Jess Coop. It was so awesome. I had a wonderful time. Her parents are so much like her, it's funny. Always worried about the comfort of people, always ready to serve. Oh, I love it.

And then I came home. And my mom and I got into a huge fight, I won't go into it. But she threw my presents all over the place, then we had a good ol' screamfest at each other, then I went to bed, crying.

I got up at 6:45 this morning, and I had to be at the pool at 7. So I booked it, and I was five minutes late. Stress. And then we worked on positions, so I played goalie for an hour. =3 I love goalie. Then we had this huge pancake breakfast, cleaned up the team room, reset lane lines, some girls scrubbed the locker rooms, and now I'm at home.

And I need a shower.

"I'll never give up my independence."

-Dancer, "Feiffer's People" by Jules Feiffer.

<3 = brittany

please just don't play with me my paper heart will bleed

Mood: Actually, I'm kinda bitter. But I'm SO FRIGGIN TIRED.
Listening To: "Paper Heart" by The All-American Rejects.
Reading: Book of Mormon and my monologue, "Fieffer's People" by Jules Fieffer.

So, my birthday has come and gone, and I had THE BEST birthday a girl could ask for. First, Kenzie calls me at midnight. I didn't have my cell phone with me, and my home phone didn't ring, but I finally got to my phone and listened to her voice message. She sang "Happy Birthday" to me. So sweet. So I called her back and showered her with my love and excitement, then finally went to bed. In the morning, I went to church, got cards there, plus an anonymous letter from this sweet girl in my ward, then I came home for an hour (during this time, Travis called and sang Happy Birthday), then my parents took Lindsey and I out to eat at Applebee's (and during this time Rikki called and wished me a Happy Birthday), and then we dropped Lindsey off at home, and I took my mom to Home Depot. Afterward, when we were going from Home Depot to Wal-Mart, Kenzie calls me. I freak out trying to get the phone out of my pocket, then I finally got it on speakerphone, and my mom held it while I drove.
"Where are you?"
"Taking my mom to Wal-Mart."
"You need to be at your house, like, right now!"
"What for?"
"There's just... a surprise there for you."
"Where are you, Kenzie?"
"Uh...home."
"Right. Okay. I'm coming home."
We turn around at Wal-Mart and head back to Overlake, and Kenzie calls again right as I'm about to turn.
"Where are you?"
"We're turning into Overlake right now!"
"Okay!" Click.
When I get home, I open my front door, and Michael and Makenzie are waiting with a homemade cake. It was so cute. Part of the B in birthday was mashed in, and it was a classic homemade cake. All smushed in with love. =3

So we ate cake, and they had to leave, and I was just so full of love for the world that the warm fuzzies DID NOT GO AWAY that night.

At 8:40-ish, Tiffany called and sang "Happy Birthday" to me. I love that girl.

So, yeah, I had a GREAT birthday.


But on a different note, we had our Purple-White game today for water polo, and we tied. I'm really happy about that. I thought we'd lose. And then came auditions for the competition one-act, "Haiku". I got cut with the first group (like I always am. It just doesn't hurt anymore), and went home and got stressed out because of lack of sleep, and I don't understand math, and my mom's freaking out at my dad, and my dad's freaking out at my mom, and I'm just trying to fold clothes like a good little girl and stay out of it...

So I'm just frustrated right now.

But hopefully things will turn up.

"Oh, those are Willum's. Willum has a pair like that. Probably."

-Tansy about flowered boxer shorts, from "The Nerd" by Larry Shue.

<3 = brittany

and so it has been and so it is written

Mood: Pretty mellow.
Listening To: "Stars" from Les Miserables.
Reading: 3 Nephi 20-something.

So. I haven't posted for a heck of a long time.

I went to Girl's Day last night, I had a pretty good time. Nothing can match Winter Ball yet, so we'll see.

And here's some exciting news. I MADE THE WATER POLO TEAM. Yes. I am so excited. And I'm on the "Purple team" meaning they will choose varsity from our group. Oh my. I'm scared. I want varsity, but I'll be just fine with transition, meaning they practice with varsity but play JV games. Jooknow.

So right now polo is taking over my life. And I'm glad. That means no more hanging around my house, wondering what I'm going to do. And I don't really want to be around my house much because my mom's going on her "You don't care about me you're so ungrateful" kicks that make me feel guiltier than heck. I mean, I know I don't always show her the love I feel because I'm not that way toward my family. I'm kinda cynical and sarcastic around them. I need to work on that, I know. So bleh on that.

L'anyhoodle. Didn't go to church today. That kinda brings me down. Ah... I dunno. I'm just hanging out between happy and sad. I'm kinda...blank. You know. I need to get out of my house. Mur.

"Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one!"

-A signature on dA

<3 = brittany

but the world was sleeping any dream will do

Mood: Trying to make things look up.
Listening To: Nothing! But "Any Dream Will Do" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat is stuck in mah noggin.
Reading: 3 Nephi 1! Woo yeah woo!

Ohmahgash. Winter Ball was awesome. I had so much fun. Squee. And things are going well with Travis, and Kenzie wants me to go to the hand-holding stage, but I'm holding back. She says she'll give me lessons. XD

AND UTA. HOLY FAT COW. SO MUCH FUN. Not as much fun as it could have been, but a friggin' lot of fun. Cary Trivanovich is amazing, Joseph and the ATD is AWESOME, and I like long bus rides. And I like writing "Things I Learned At" papers.

Right now, I'm acutally finishing a science project for Michael and me, and then I'll have to start work on some memory cards for YW, and then tomorrow I get to start work on a project for math. Bleh.

But I'm making myself look on the bright side and keep my chin up. No more hanging around in the dumps. No more letting things hurt me too much. No more, no more, no more.

I have a Majester "evaluation show" on Saturday, and I'm hoping Travis will come to that. (Kenzie offered to be there too.) And Sal's party is on Friday, and we're probably going to make an extended appearance then disappear to go do something with the gang. Dang, that sounds kinda mean. But Travis took the weekend off to "do something with everybody". And everyone tells me that he took the weekend off for me. Aw. <3

"Please, stop, I don't believe in free love!"
"Pity."

-Joseph and Mrs. Potiphar from "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat".

<3 = brittany

WINTER BALL PICTURES

oh yes oh yes oh yes they both oh yes they both oh yes they both reached for the gun the gun the gun

Mood: Grr. Sick and tired.
Listening To: "They Both Reached For the Gun" from Chicago.
Reading: Alma 51.

Dangit, I am so confused and so tired and and so frustrated and I wish I could just be happy.

I mean, serously.

Da Brittster says : So how'd you find out Travis was going to ask me?
Liz says : we were at the wrestling tourny for ex. credit in med. anat... and he mentioned he liked you... so i said ask her!
Liz says : and he was like I will! good thinking!
Liz says : :D


A boy LIKES me. And I can't be really happy about it because of this stupid thing with Michael and Kenzie. BUT A BOY LIKES ME.

Homigash. Winter Ball. I cannot wait.

Conference. I cannot wait. Even if I don't have Michael and Kenzie I have everyone else. Like Liz and Lindsey and Emma and Elle and Mikal and Sal and TRAVIS and Kevin...

I'm gonna have fun.

But I wish I could clear all this M&M (Michael and Makenzie) stuff up. I wish everyone'd just chin up and get things done. I wish everyone (including me) would pull themselves out of their pity holes and brush themselves off.

Dangit.

I want to fix my heart so that I can take hold of this boy. Of boys in general. I want to start being more open with my crushes. I want to flirt, I want to giggle, I want to be a girl.

<|3 = brittany

pop six squish uh-uh cicero lipschitz

Mood: OH MY. Still on a high from this morning.
Listening To: Cell Block Tango from Chicago.
Reading: Alma 53.

HOLY FLAT COW.

I GOT ASKED TO WINTER BALL. For the full story, go to...

HERE.

I'm too lazy to retype it.

But holy cow. I cannot believe it.

And I am SOOOO HAPPY.

And I have the Chicago soundtrack. Love.

"God, that's beautiful."
"Cut out God. Stay where you're better acquainted."

-Roxie and Billy from "Chicago".

<3 = brittany

mister cellophane shoulda been my name

Mood: Blank and bothered.
Listening To: Nothing, but I have "Mister Cellophane" from Chicago stuck in my head.
Reading: Alma 47.

Holy fat cow.

WHAT THE FRIGGIN CRAP.

Okay?

You know, I try and I try. I try to be there, I try to be open, I try to tell her the truth, I try to tell her what she wants to hear, I try to offer my opinion.

And what does she do?

Shoot me down.

I'm just a girl who I guess everybody thinks I'll always be there. Everyone thinks they can fall back on me when all their other friends give up on them. And yeah, I try to be. I want to be. That's what I'm here for, isn't it? To pick up the pieces? The pieces that won't be picked up by anyone else. The pieces that everyone else has given up on.

Yeah. That's what I'm good for.

But no. She won't tell me what's wrong. She gives me general, noncommital answers, and I feel offended. I thought that she was able to be completely open with me. I try to be with her. She's always telling me, "C'mon, this is Kenz you're talking to." And I'd open up. But she won't open up for me.

I want to give up on it all.

I see why people become hermits. I see why people just live alone.

Because it hurts to have friends. It hurts to have family. It hurts to love someone.

I hate it.

But I love it.

And I hurt.

<|3 = brittany

we's as free as fishes sure beats washing dishes

Mood: Bored.
Listening To: "Carrying the Banner" from Newsies
Reading: Alma 43.

Wow. It's 2006. I turn sixteen this year. February 26. Holy cow.

I don't have much to say, other than, poo, school's starting tomorrow...

Christmas break was a ton of fun, but it can't go on forever. I wouldn't want it to either, I just don't want it to end so early. Grr.

I guess that's it, though. Like I said, there's not much to say.

"I smell money."
"You smell foul."

-Kid Blink and Crutchy from "Newsies".

<3 = brittany