but the world was sleeping any dream will do

Mood: Trying to make things look up.
Listening To: Nothing! But "Any Dream Will Do" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat is stuck in mah noggin.
Reading: 3 Nephi 1! Woo yeah woo!

Ohmahgash. Winter Ball was awesome. I had so much fun. Squee. And things are going well with Travis, and Kenzie wants me to go to the hand-holding stage, but I'm holding back. She says she'll give me lessons. XD

AND UTA. HOLY FAT COW. SO MUCH FUN. Not as much fun as it could have been, but a friggin' lot of fun. Cary Trivanovich is amazing, Joseph and the ATD is AWESOME, and I like long bus rides. And I like writing "Things I Learned At" papers.

Right now, I'm acutally finishing a science project for Michael and me, and then I'll have to start work on some memory cards for YW, and then tomorrow I get to start work on a project for math. Bleh.

But I'm making myself look on the bright side and keep my chin up. No more hanging around in the dumps. No more letting things hurt me too much. No more, no more, no more.

I have a Majester "evaluation show" on Saturday, and I'm hoping Travis will come to that. (Kenzie offered to be there too.) And Sal's party is on Friday, and we're probably going to make an extended appearance then disappear to go do something with the gang. Dang, that sounds kinda mean. But Travis took the weekend off to "do something with everybody". And everyone tells me that he took the weekend off for me. Aw. <3

"Please, stop, I don't believe in free love!"
"Pity."

-Joseph and Mrs. Potiphar from "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat".

<3 = brittany

WINTER BALL PICTURES

oh yes oh yes oh yes they both oh yes they both oh yes they both reached for the gun the gun the gun

Mood: Grr. Sick and tired.
Listening To: "They Both Reached For the Gun" from Chicago.
Reading: Alma 51.

Dangit, I am so confused and so tired and and so frustrated and I wish I could just be happy.

I mean, serously.

Da Brittster says : So how'd you find out Travis was going to ask me?
Liz says : we were at the wrestling tourny for ex. credit in med. anat... and he mentioned he liked you... so i said ask her!
Liz says : and he was like I will! good thinking!
Liz says : :D


A boy LIKES me. And I can't be really happy about it because of this stupid thing with Michael and Kenzie. BUT A BOY LIKES ME.

Homigash. Winter Ball. I cannot wait.

Conference. I cannot wait. Even if I don't have Michael and Kenzie I have everyone else. Like Liz and Lindsey and Emma and Elle and Mikal and Sal and TRAVIS and Kevin...

I'm gonna have fun.

But I wish I could clear all this M&M (Michael and Makenzie) stuff up. I wish everyone'd just chin up and get things done. I wish everyone (including me) would pull themselves out of their pity holes and brush themselves off.

Dangit.

I want to fix my heart so that I can take hold of this boy. Of boys in general. I want to start being more open with my crushes. I want to flirt, I want to giggle, I want to be a girl.

<|3 = brittany

pop six squish uh-uh cicero lipschitz

Mood: OH MY. Still on a high from this morning.
Listening To: Cell Block Tango from Chicago.
Reading: Alma 53.

HOLY FLAT COW.

I GOT ASKED TO WINTER BALL. For the full story, go to...

HERE.

I'm too lazy to retype it.

But holy cow. I cannot believe it.

And I am SOOOO HAPPY.

And I have the Chicago soundtrack. Love.

"God, that's beautiful."
"Cut out God. Stay where you're better acquainted."

-Roxie and Billy from "Chicago".

<3 = brittany

mister cellophane shoulda been my name

Mood: Blank and bothered.
Listening To: Nothing, but I have "Mister Cellophane" from Chicago stuck in my head.
Reading: Alma 47.

Holy fat cow.

WHAT THE FRIGGIN CRAP.

Okay?

You know, I try and I try. I try to be there, I try to be open, I try to tell her the truth, I try to tell her what she wants to hear, I try to offer my opinion.

And what does she do?

Shoot me down.

I'm just a girl who I guess everybody thinks I'll always be there. Everyone thinks they can fall back on me when all their other friends give up on them. And yeah, I try to be. I want to be. That's what I'm here for, isn't it? To pick up the pieces? The pieces that won't be picked up by anyone else. The pieces that everyone else has given up on.

Yeah. That's what I'm good for.

But no. She won't tell me what's wrong. She gives me general, noncommital answers, and I feel offended. I thought that she was able to be completely open with me. I try to be with her. She's always telling me, "C'mon, this is Kenz you're talking to." And I'd open up. But she won't open up for me.

I want to give up on it all.

I see why people become hermits. I see why people just live alone.

Because it hurts to have friends. It hurts to have family. It hurts to love someone.

I hate it.

But I love it.

And I hurt.

<|3 = brittany

we's as free as fishes sure beats washing dishes

Mood: Bored.
Listening To: "Carrying the Banner" from Newsies
Reading: Alma 43.

Wow. It's 2006. I turn sixteen this year. February 26. Holy cow.

I don't have much to say, other than, poo, school's starting tomorrow...

Christmas break was a ton of fun, but it can't go on forever. I wouldn't want it to either, I just don't want it to end so early. Grr.

I guess that's it, though. Like I said, there's not much to say.

"I smell money."
"You smell foul."

-Kid Blink and Crutchy from "Newsies".

<3 = brittany

o come let us adore him

Mood: EXCITEMENT!
Listening To: "O Come All Ye Faithful"
Reading: Alma 34.

Oh joy. We opened presents early, at midnight, and I am thoroughly happy with what I got.

Remember me wanting a canvas?

Yeah. I GOT ONE.

And Edward Scissorhands and Phantom of the Opera on DVD.

And lots of socks.

And Canadian pajama pants.

And a haircut. X3

And a few other little things, but I'm very happy.

Oh, and I sing in church today. We're singing "O Come All Ye Faithful" and I have a solo at the very beginning. Agh, I'm nervous now.

But I have to go do my hair and stuff, so I'll leave now. XD

"We're being invited places by colored people!"
"It feels so hip!"

-Penny and Tracy, "Hairspray"

<3 = brittany

lady, lady love me because I love to lay here lazy

Mood: Pretty good. Happy, you could say.
Listening To: "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson
Reading: "That Summer" by ----- Dessen.

Woo-hoo! Christmas break! Christmas break! -dancedancedance- So excited. X3

And I got the GREATEST Christmas gift ever. GOGGLES! Love. Da Linzer got them for me. They're black motorcycle goggles nad I wear them upon my head and look like a bug when I wear them for real. XD

So they've been added to the bottom of my "Things That Make Me Happy" list.

Christmas break better rock, and I need to drive now. Tiffany's offered to take me around, so I hope she's serious about that, because I really need to learn.

I'm doing okay. And no school! X3

"Look! The artichoke is steamed."

- Glinda from "Wicked".

<3 = brittany

you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart

Mood: So happy I've got the shivers.
Listening To: "For Good" from Wicked.
Reading: "Someone Like You" by ---- Desson.

Oh love. I was just told that my stuff is good enough to publish by another person.

Narnia rocks my world!!! says: he was like, "She writes way good. I don't think she realizes how good she is. She needs to publish"

Da Brittster says: No way. He said that?

Da Brittster says: *totally loves the Donovan*

Narnia rocks my world!!! says: yeah


Narnia is Tiffany, Da Brittster is me.

So, dood. I am all shivery with joy. And she's going to use my "not really a poem, but..." piece for a school paper and that makes me happy. <3

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

And things are going SOOO much better with the boy-o. We talked for two hours the other night, then last night, I slept over at Kenzie's, and we snuck him out of his house and talked for another two or three hours. We all needed it.

So, there is much love. Much.

Waldgrave: What has gotten into that boy?
Clelia: I can't conceive.
Axel: We all wish.

-"The Nerd", Larry Shue

<3 = brittany

with your silly jokes and prattle

Mood: Doing...better.
Listening To: "Give It to 'Em Good, Carrie" from Carousel.
Reading: "The Nerd" by Larry Shue.

Oh me-an. Well. That last entry was all happy and cheerful, wasn't it?

I'm giving up on him. That's it. That's what I've needed to do for three years, and I'm bringing myself to it now. I can't hang on him like some conjoined twin, I don't need to know about everything he does, and I don't need to call him anymore. That's all.

So I'm working on that.

But it's so hard to let someone go, even if he is a jerk. You know?

This is gonna be really short, and lately I haven't been talking much about what I've been doing in life, I've just kinda been venting and "sharing my feelings". Psshaw.

I just don't know what to think anymore. Things are way too complicated and way too confusing.

But, ah, my hands are going to freeze off. So I'll leave now.

"Pretentious? Moi?"

-Axel, "The Nerd"

<3 = brittany

More Carousel pictures.

Carousel pictures.

..

Jerk jerk jerk.

You do this because you think I'll always be there, huh? You think I can never let go. You think that you don't hurt me when you totally blow me off like that. You know what? I hate it. I don't hate you. I hate what you do when you have a girl. I hate it.

You're a jerk. I don't know why I hang on, but I love you. I love you like a brother, but you've hurt me so many times.

One day I'm not going to be there, kid, and I hope you miss me.

and the sweet silver song of a lark

Mood: Feeling groovy.
Listening To: "You'll Never Walk Alone" from Carousel is stuck in my head.
Reading: Actually, nothing right now. I don't have time.

So. It's been a long time, eh? Field show has been over for a couple of weeks, we had Majestix tryouts (I don't know how those went) and now all I have to worry about is Carousel. But I'm not worrying. I'm happy, and I don't want it to end.

Everything's going right right now. Life is good, Michael and Kenzie are bringing me Panda Express, and I'm sitting here with bad hair and unshaven legs and pajamas. I haven't taken a shower yet. Oh crap. I'm not shaving my legs until closing night, which is Tuesday. Originally, I left my legs unshaved for a week, and I was going to shave them Wednesday, the day before opening night. But then I didn't have time, so I didn't, and now Kenzie isn't shaving until the day after closing night, so I'm doing the same. XD

Oh man, guys, I love life. I really do.

We went and saw the midnight showing of Hary Potter 4 on Thursday after going to Denny's for the cast party, and it was pretty lame, but it was worth the two hours of sleep. Last night the party was at the Jensen's, and I ate three plates of spaghetti after shoving my face in it. Oh, the fun.

Tonight we're going to have a blast. I just know it. Last night and opening night's performances were amazing. I've had so much fun. That's why I don't want it to end. It makes me feel so good. It totally buoys me up. Oh, there is love.

But I have to go take a shower right now.

"You'd think a woman with nine children would have more sense!"
"If I had more sense I wouldn't have had nine children!"

-Enoch Snow and Carrie from Carousel.

<3 = brittany

Message From Brittany

Brittany is currently grounded until October 29th. This means she is not able to answer e-mails, update journal entries, check her DA messages, or talk on either her house phone or cell phone.

If you must reach her, please leave a message after the tone.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME


This is her beloved, adorable, and totally awesome best friend Lindsey by the way.

anywhere you go let me go too-

Mood: Sick, but pretty happy.
Listening To: "All I Ask of You" from Phantom of the Opera.
Reading: 1984 by George Orwell.

Hoo. Homecoming was on Friday, and...

WE WON. Yes. I was very glad. I didn't watch much of the game, I mostly just danced with the band, but it was great. Yes, I danced with the band. Stood in front of the drumline up in the stands and shook what my mama gave me. Hee.

I think field show was awesome, but then, what do I know? I'm a first-year. XD But it was a ton of fun. To feel all those people's eyes on you, to hear their applause after each song, to be able to perform in such strong wind, it was the best. The wind really whipped up as soon as we got out on the field, and I was praying it would go away, but it never did. But we got through it really well, I think.

I saw so many grads. There was Chantelle and Abree and Tiffany and Missy and Sophie. It was crazy. After the game I went out with Tiffany, Donovan, Kent, Fish, Sal, Phil (who's a girl), and Phil's little brother Josh.

We went to a park and played tag for a little bit, then Kent lost his shoe and we kinda gave up on the game, then we ran around in the skate park until some real skaters came, so we walked out onto the basketball court an talked about things and people and college and high school. Finally, we drifted over to the playground and played "Let's Make a Date", an improv game that's a lot of fun. You take three bachelors or bachelorettes and give them weird characters, then have someone ask them two questions and try to figure out who they are. I was a nun. XD

Finally, we took Fish home because he had to go, then the rest of us went to Leatherby's two minutes before they closed.

"Can't you take some initiative? Ow! What was that?"
"Me taking some initiative."
"Oh. I thought you were trying to beat me to death with your forehead."

-Kim and Billy from Fortress by Michael Scanlan.

<3 = brittany

and you know it makes me sick to be on that list

Mood: Murr.
Listening To: "Ex-Girlfriend" by No Doubt.
Reading: Lord of the Flies by William Golding. (I'm almost done with it.)

You know what I really want to learn how to do?

Oil paint. Or just paint for that matter. I want to take a brush to canvas and paint.

But I can't find paint or canvas. And I'd be afraid of putting stuff on it in the first place. I have an idea, just nowhere to put it. X____x

I love fall so much, but it depresses me even when I don't have reason to be. I don't know. I just get really weird around autumn. Things kinda cave in or something, I dunno.

But homecoming's on Friday! I'm very excited. I can't wait to do the field show for the school and competition and stuff. Ooh yeah. I feel like there will be much rejoicing on my part. X3

We danced at play practice tonight, and I felt really overwhelmed, but I know I can get it if we keep doing it. You know, repetition is great for the growing mind. |8D

Ooh, ooh! I got a 91.7 on my Pre-Calc test! I danced much in that class. X3

I don't know what else to say. All I've been able to draw is headshots and sketches and static poses, and I want to learn or do more. I want to get better.

"My mother had a baby once."
-Jigger, Carousel.

<3 - brittany

dun dun dun da dun da dun da dun

Mood: Dancing. (Through life. harhar.)
Listening To: "Farandole" from our field show. X3
Reading: "Lord of the Flies" by William Golding

Is it lame if I go and look at field shows on MSC?
(for those of you who check out my deviantART account, yes, I'm asking again.

But homecoming's on FRIDAY! *rejoices*

I'm so excited. Who cares if I have to wear a 2X costume even though I'm only a medium?

Okay, I care. Especially 'cause it stinks, but that's beside the point. XD

I cannot wait. Seriously.

Longer post later. X3

<3 - brittany

and the ewe sheep aren't even keepin' score

Mood: Depressed, kinda.
Listening To: Nothing, but I have "June is Bustin' Out All Over" from Carousel stuck in my head.
Reading: "Lord of the Flies" by William Golding and "Night" by Elie Wiesel. I know, I'm AP-ing it all the way.

Sigh.

I don't know. I guess the beginning of fall gets me down no matter what I'm doing. I get really worried about my grades and parent/teacher conferences, and right now my grades are even doing good! One B+, one B, and six A's. I'd call that good. But I get, like, overly worried about math. Math kills me. I hate the stuff. Sure, I'm in Pre-Calc right now, but it still kills me.

And ohmagash. It was fracking cold this morning. I need gloves if I'm gonna keep doing Majestix. XD I froze my little tush off.

Little tush. Hah.

There isn't much to say. I fell asleep in Driver's Ed today. Ooh, that's news. I get so friggin' tired. But I shouldn't complain, other people come to school at 6:00 too. Mur.

Ah... I have drama tomorrow. That's reason enough to rejoice. Yessir.

But I'll end this here, since I probably bore you all to death, eh?

"I don't cause commotions, I am one."
-Elphaba

<3 - brittany

some postman is grooving to all our love letters

Mood: Sooooo much better than this morning.
Listening To: "Some Postman" by Presidents of the United States of America
Reading: "Lord of the Flies" by William Golding and "Night" by Elie Wiesel.

HAH! If you saw me this morning or all today before the football game, I'm sorry. You witnessed A VERY BAD HAIR DAY. Please contact your nearest beauty salon to report the sighting, then get your eyes checked. You may have gone blind.

XD I'm a dork.

But seriously. I got up too late (5:20. Who could call that late?) and my hair was like, POOF, in a big curly mess which doesn't look too bad. So then I tried to do it an it came out looking craptacular. Very bad. I had to wear my Majestix shirt to school because we had a football game to do the flag ceremony at, and then I realized I hadn't worn a shirt under it. So I had to stay in my sweltering hot hoodie all day. And I was just stressed out about field show and my mom might have to have back surgery, and blah. This combination made for a very bad day.

Except one person liked my hair. XD Only Vanessa. X3 I love her so much.

And after school, my mom's like, "We're gonna go get your hair cut." I didn't want to.... I just wanted to take a shower and try and fix my hair before the football game.

But she dragged me anyway. So we went to Inkley's to look at cameras first (I need one for Photography, and the cheapest one is $249! *dies*) then went to Great Clips to get me a $7.99 hair cut. I wanted a "flare" haircut where it's longer in the front and you stick it up, but my mom wanted to get a trim. I needed a change. So we made a compromise and the lady who cut my hair didn't do what we wanted, but I still love my new hair. Thank goodness, eh?

It's very cool.

HAH! Here it is. X3
<3 - brittany